At the end of September I will run my first ever half marathon, When I first signed up it seemed a fantastic idea, a way for me to give a little back to an amazing unit at my local hospital that literally saved my daughters life, but as the weeks go by I have had major doubts of my actual ability to do this. It turns out I am not just running 13.1 miles, the training involved is time consuming and intense at times.
I am not a natural runner, I wouldn’t say I like it or enjoy it all that much, I have had to put myself in situations which has taken me out of my comfort zone with my anxiety issues, so why on earth did I pick this, why not just hold a cake sale?
The truth is I do like a challenge, and if I get a set of calf muscles along the way then bonus!
I never really considered the training involved too much, after all 13.1 miles isn’t that far right? well I tried walking it a while ago and I couldn’t find a route long enough, I was short by 5 miles!
I have recently signed up with a running group, which brought all sorts of challenges, the first main one was Anxiety, for a long time I have struggled with social situations, as soon as I am out of my comfort zone, I get myself into a state straight away, the build up is normally the issue, but sometimes it only takes a look, a noise or smell to trigger it off and I get to the point of shaking uncontrollably, being sick, and even sometimes passing out! Most people have never even noticed, I am pretty good now at covering it up, even though I feel like I am dying inside. The second issue was the actual running part, don’t get me wrong I have ran before and at one point I wasn’t too bad, but running has always been a struggle for me, let alone running with other people, how would I keep up, with really low fitness levels?
I started getting up at 5.30am to go for a quick mile run, although this lasted a week! I love my bed far too much so this has stopped for a little while until I can get my head in the right place again!
I have also signed up for a string of 5k and 10k events as well as London to Brighton bike ride. Also from today I am back with my Personal Trainer.
So is running my first half marathon actually worth it? I believe so as if the nurses couldn’t be bothered to train for their jobs then I wouldn’t have my daughter today. Yes it may be lots of pain, tears and fears of failure right now but when I cross that finish line in the best possible time I can then it will all be worth it!